A New Beginning

Today I post for the first time on this site.  I was a long time Xanga user and I still plan on using it from time to time.  However, I feel this site will be a new beginning; a new start that symbolizes a change that has happened in me while in our nation's capitol city.  

Blogging is dangerous.  If anyone actually reads this, they might get more than they bargained for: an intimate look into my thoughts, theology, life philosophy and opinions.  Scary.  

I wrote this today in my journal.... 

Theology classes have been wonderful for me but a curse at the same time.  I have been thinking too much about how God works. This is my problem:  On one hand, I often use a common church language that I have been taught in the past that points to a kind of God that I don’t believe in now.  I catch myself writing or explaining things to others that I wouldn’t normally say if I had time to think about it what the words really implied. Since I've learned the church language through my experience in the church, it comes out like second nature.  On the other hand, I have learned theologically what it means for God to be "in control of the future" and I can't accept it.   I don’t believe God is a puppet master who has determined every little detail! I can't believe that!  What kind of God has determined pain, suffering, hunger and neglect for those He "loves"?  That is NOT love.  

I don’t believe he has determined all things in my life.  So, if God hasn't mapped out my future in exact detail, what role does he play in my future? Is he as clueless as I am?  What level of knowledge does He have?  Should I even trust him?  Yes.  

I have a deeper understanding of what it means to trust God despite the fact that my theological understanding of God isn't exactly set and consistent yet.  God is always working for the good.  He wants me to love others as Jesus loved, caring for the poor and bringing the good news of the Gospel to all I encounter.  This is my purpose.